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Nervous
20170802 • Wednesday, August 02, 2017 • 2 comments

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

It's already 2 August everyone! Time flies so fast kan. Rasa macam baru minggu lepas habis raya. Believe it or not lagi 4 bulan je dah nak masuk 2018 oh god i'm not ready to be an adult. I'm going to be 21 y/o in 2018 hohohoho but unofficially la because my birthday on September so sekarang ni pun unofficially 20 hehe. I feel like writing tonight cause I'm so nervous about tomorrow.

Everyone who's taking STPM will know. Tomorrow is D-Day. The upu result! oh god oh god I'm going to puke. Just merely a thought about it makes me sick. I can't really control my nervous system padahal esok malam ni dah lebih-lebih nervous blerghh. I don't know about enyone else but when it comes to time like this I can't help but thinking about a worst case that can happen. Like what if I didn't get to enter Uni? What I'm gonna do after this? What I can do with my life? What will people say? I know what people says don't really matter but hey being a normal human being we can't help but to feel insecure about those little things. Telling someone to not be nervous and calm down is like telling a smoker to stop smoking. Macam wei takyah la nervous sangat and oh ye ke okay aku dah tak nervous. Ingat senang ke :')

Just now my friend sharing a link to UUM sebab malam ni dah boleh check wei cepatnya sabar sikit leh tak ;-; I don't really understand how this thing works. Yang ni result untuk yang dah iv haritu ke atau result yang takde iv tu. But my friend ada iv haritu for Counseling course dia check tadi she said tak dapat. Frust menonggeng dia. Talk about frust menonggeng, masa first iv haritu sebab I ambik edu ada la iv medsi lepas medsi ada iv lagi. Sementara tunggu tu I pun dah separuh gila berdebor nak tau dapat ke tak bila result nak keluar then one of my friend datang rumah, dia kata "eh dah check belum? result dah keluar lah. Aku dah check tadi. Dapat panggilan iv dekat uitm shah alam". I pun dengan eksaited terus check tapi yang keluar maaf permohonan anda tidak berjaya. Ko ghaseeee!? I punya tak nak terima kenyataan tu siap mintak number ic member nak tengok betul ke sebenarnya result dah keluar LOL. Siap double check lagi masukkan number ic banyak kali punyalah taknak percaya tak dapat. Sobs. I punya frust menonggeng tu memang tonggeng betul la. Siap guling-guling lagi huhu. This time I decided to kept it secret fromy family that I didn't get the iv. I only told my close friends about how I really want this and how heart-broken I am, sedih gila namatey tsk tsk. About three days I'm in denial, I still don't want to believe I didn't get panggilan iv. Then I pasrah and told my sis. She said padan muka. Sampai hati she didn't know I really need mind and heart support at that time.

But I don't know, maybe I dah redha dengan benda tu so I tak rasa marah pun. Dah habis redha dah. Then two days later ada sms masuk from uitm telling me I can check my result and I was like eh pebenda kan dah keluar? Punyalah berdebor pegi website uitm check lagi sekali. Sebelum check tu I closed my eyes and pray I said Ya Allah I really want this. I really want to have a chance to study. Then I check and dapat. You don't know how grateful I am that day :) Hehe. Because I'm a bit slow and stupid so seminggu jugak la frust menonggeng sebab salah tarikh. Rupa-rupanya my friend punya course lain thats why result dia keluar awal sikit lol what a shame.

So guys, pray for me to get the best and have a chance to further my study in physical education. Yeah I'm going to be a teacher hehe. & goodluck to those yang sama tengah nervous macam I, xoxo


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